


there's a puzzle i work on endlessly

by pensiveVisionary (hamburr)



Series: lost some pieces i can't replace [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamburr/pseuds/pensiveVisionary
Summary: Aaron is woken up from his dozing on the couch by a loud, persistent knock on the door.





	

**Author's Note:**

> _[so there's a puzzle i work on endlessly, and i've got the sides and all the corners but there's a space, yeah there's a space lost some pieces i can't replace.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysFZ3Uqudww) _

Aaron is woken up from his dozing on the couch by a loud, persistent knock on the door. He neglects to glance outside before he opens the door, still in a haze of drowsiness, and so when he opens the door he is startled to lock eyes with Alexander Hamilton.

Startled would, actually, be the understatement of the century.

Alexander’s dark brown eyes are the same. His dark hair, messily tied back, is the same. His eyebrows-raised smirk is the same.

He is leaning heavily on a cane, and that's new.

That’s…

“Aaron,” Alexander says.

Aaron tries to speak, to say something, but sound won't come out.

He can't speak, and he can't stop himself from reaching out towards Alexander, and he can't help that he’s shaking when Alexander presses into his arms, hugs Aaron tightly and lets Aaron support his weight. He’s real, he’s really here, he’s not a ghost or a figment of Aaron’s imagination, he is warm and solid and right here.

“Fuck,” says Aaron, finally. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry to come unannounced,” Alexander says, softly. “But I… Angelica told me where you live and I come literally right past here on my way back from PT and… maybe it's selfish. It's probably selfish. But I wanted to see your face. I know-- I know you wanted me out of your life. I know. And I doubt me showing up is really helping anything, I just. I just wanted-- to show you that I’m still here. I’m still alive. I’m scraping by.” A crooked smile.

Aaron doesn't know what to do.

He invites Alexander inside. It's awkward. Aaron makes tea and shuffles around and lets Alex chatter at him until, in the midst of Aaron pacing around the living room, Alexander grabs his wrist. Aaron stills.

“Sit with me. Your pacing is making me anxious.”

And so he does, careful to put space between them.

“Look at me. Aaron. Aaron. Look at me.” Alexander takes Aaron’s face in his hands and Aaron is shaking, all over, his whole body is shaking.

“Alexander,” he says, and his voice breaks. “I thought you were dead.”

“Can’t get rid of me that easily,” Alexander says, and Aaron laughs through his tears.

“I never got over you, you fucking asshole,” is what comes out of Aaron’s mouth. He covers his face in his hands. He takes a deep breath. “Fuck,” he says, yet again, “fuck, I didn't even know if you were alive and I can’t stop blaming myself and I was-- I just-- Alex. Alexander. Alexander.”

And Alexander pulls him in and holds him, and, god, Aaron can’t remember the last time he was held by anyone, anyone at all.

“It’s okay,” says Alexander. “It was my fault. Don’t text and drive, kids.” He gives a self-deprecating sort of laugh.

“I cut you out of my life and then--”

“Also my fault. Aaron, Aaron, please, come on, I did nothing but hurt you over and over and it’s my fault. Not yours. Fuck. Fuck, I probably contributed to the fact that you’re thinking this way. I made you feel like you weren’t good enough but that’s not true, it’s not, fuck, I was so scared of how much I loved you and how much you loved me that I went and fucked everything up because I don’t know how to do anything right. I-- fuck. Shit. This is my f--”

“Stop.”

“No, I-- Aaron, you can’t blame yourself for my mistakes, it’s not fair--”

“Stop,” Aaron says again. “Let’s stop blaming. Okay? Let’s start over. If you can forgive me, I can forgive you.”

“There’s nothing to forgive--”

“Alexander.”

“Okay. Okay. Yes.”

“Stay. Please,” Aaron says, and Alexander runs his hand over Aaron’s buzzed hair.

“I’ll be here as long as you want me around. I swear it. No bullshit, this time. I promise.”

“I should hope not.”

And Alexander laughs, he laughs the same as he always did and it hurts but it doesn’t have to, it doesn’t have to anymore. Aaron can still make him laugh. He’s still here to be laughing.

 

Aaron takes Alexander to bed, undresses him, as Alex reciprocates.

They don't kiss, don’t fuck. Aaron touches shaking fingertips to scars. Alexander touches Aaron’s face, his shoulders, his chest, his hips and thighs and knees.

Aaron falls asleep in Alexander’s arms, to the lullaby of skin on skin, of Alexander’s heartbeat, of Alexander’s breathing, of Alexander tracing gentle patterns on Aaron’s back.

He stays.

**Author's Note:**

> i am physically incapable of writing hurt without comfort
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at waitforit--waitforit.tumblr.com. comments and kudos cure my depression


End file.
